Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
