I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
