You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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