You made me cry and you don't even care
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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