spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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