What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Floor bacon is actually really good
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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