Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The beer is more important than you right now.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
