the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
