Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
