Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
