What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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