he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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