I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
