"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
