dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
