Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
