I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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