I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
