my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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