well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
