just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
