the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
