If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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