I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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