I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
