Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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