Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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