As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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