A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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