i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
