Umm I'm too high to move.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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