well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
that may or may not have been my penis.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
