Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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