so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
