White coat. Heels.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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