I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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