Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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