I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
