Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
