i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
