apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
