So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
