She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
