Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
