So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
