I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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