I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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