1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
4 words: hood of his car
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
