Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think i got beer on your cat.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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