Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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